


inconvenience

by 600ml



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Canon-Typical Violence, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Immortal Fake AH Crew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 15:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19232014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/600ml/pseuds/600ml
Summary: If you can always come back, death becomes a joke among friends more than anything, doesn't it?





	inconvenience

"Wha - Why did you do that? Now I've got blood all over this shirt. I just cleaned it."

"I was feeling stabby and you were the closest one. Ryan, I'm sorry, Ryan, it was completely impersonal. There was no reason for me to do that to you. You didn't do anything to me."

"That'd be a fine apology if you looked apologetic at all."

"Why would I apologize? It's a minor inconvenience. You've done it to me before and worse."

"That doesn't make it fair, Gavin!"

"It does. That's how fairness works."

"You're going to help me clean this shirt."

"Just buy a new one, dude."

"This is my favorite!"

"You shouldn't have worn it around me when I was feeling stabby, then."

"How in the world was I supposed to know you were feeling stabby? If you're going to be blaming me, you should have been wearing a big sign that says 'stabby, stay away' or something."

"I had a look in my eye and you know it."

"I don't look in your eyes."

"You have previously and any of our friends will tell you that when I'm stabby there's a look in them. You should know this by now, Ryan, it's been ages. Everyone knows."

"You can't claim to have friends when you casually stab them when they're wearing their favorite shirt."

"At least I didn't stab through the shirt. Could have done that."

"If you'd stabbed through the shirt then you wouldn't have a mouth anymore for us to be having this conversation with until tomorrow."

"Then you can't claim to have friends when you casually talk about tearing apart their mouths!"

"I'm talking about much more than mouth ripage-"

"-oh gosh you just said the phrase mouth ripage and you're going to act like I'm the wild one here-"

"-I'm talking about ripping off your jaw so that you can't talk, leaving you in that weird state of injury where you're taking so long to die that it's more frustrating than anything. Yea, that thing that we all hate? That's what I would put you in. In a way that would make you unable to talk."

"Now you're just describing it too much, it's getting weirdly sexual."

"Absolutely no one thinks what I just said is sexual in any way besides for you, you goddamn weirdo."

"It absolutely is. I bet you're thinking about how hot I'd look without a jaw right now. I'd look like I deserved to be on a runaway. Gavin Free [With His Jaw Ripped Off] would be named the Sexiest Man Alive. I'd be on the front cover of magazines everywhere."

"Ignoring the bizarre series of nightmares that would give literally everyone, you think any version of you is hot enough to be named the Sexiest Man Alive?"

"Please, Ryan, it's sexy. Hot is a completely different word and has different implications. But, yes, I am completely capable of being given such a title but especially the particular version of me which has no jaw."

"God, you're such a freak."

"You've been gushing blood for several minutes and your reaction to a knife in your neck was the sort of indignance a child displays when told they can't have another cookie."

"I didn't say I wasn't one, too."


End file.
